"We're naming him Dakota Sierra or F-150 King Cab, Not Sure Which"

Jill and I have a running joke of quoting the line from Ferris Bueller, "This is for someone who thinks they haven't seen anything good.". She did this for me today without even quoting the line. Baby's Named a Bad Bad Thing is part of a blog from one of Jill's imaginary friends (internet folk). If you have ever looked blankly at a list of student names or stifled a giggle at baby dedications or showers, this will tickle you violently.



The page takes entries from an actual "Name Your Bsby" message board and adds her commentary. I have worked through page three and am having to take breaks for air.



Example---

We aren't having kids for another year or two, but we like Kellyna Nychole, Taryn Mykah and Mykenzie Kathryn for girls.

This woman was indicted under the Flagrant Over-Use of the Letters K and Y Act of 1983.




Comment with your favorites or improbable baby names you have heard!







Mercy Drops 'Round Us Are Falling, But For A Shower She Pleads...



...Or The Spinster is Registered at Target and Taco Bueno




I will begin this entry by declaring that I am indeed a product of my upbringing. I am very much pro-registry for bridal and baby showers and am usually thrilled to purchase gifts for loved ones on their happiest of days. I have done it for years. I am also quite happy with my present state of solitude. I am blessed with a multitude of friends and family and have a strong sense of community with those around me.



That aside, when do I get a stinking shower!?!



I have just returned from a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy a gift for...this guy. I babysat the kid once or twice growing up, our moms are friends, I was even his teacher for a year when he was in High School. However, I have spoken to this kid a maximum of three times since he graduated HS. Now I am invited to his out of town wedding and the accompanying shower. When heading out to examine his registry, there are no gifts in his price range and the only cookbooks (my favorite default gift for such events) in the store are The South Beach Diet and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Yeah, I could go somewhere else, but when you have a day off the maul do you really want to shop? I don't. What's a gal to do? Spend a bit more than I expected and hope the shower snacks are hearty.



Once again, God Bless Jill. She has benevolently offered to participate in my spinster shower without snickering. I invite you now, dear reader. I will have and register for a 40th Birthday Shower!! You have exactly seven years and 1 month to the day to prepare. More news on this in about six and a half years.



Jill has also promised to send a link to a blog examining the hilarity of baby names. Does this woman know my moods or what!? She promises to send it after her homeschool art lesson (where she is teaching art to her children. She is not hosting a mustachioed Frenchman with a smock and beret...although that would be fun) and I promise to blog it after laundry.

Summertime and...Something

"What on earth are you doing with yourself these days, Educat? What does a teacher do with herself on summer break with ALL THAT TIME!?"

I have yet to go into the hydroponic tank.

Here are my hot tips for beginning a long vacation---

1. Don't have a retail job. The June sale at the Bath and Body has hollowed out what used to be a human about me. I have seen the depths of humanity and she wants cheap lotion. After only one day off the store since I finished school, I uttered my first smart alec comment today. "We have subtle marketing throughout the store to indicate prices" (go here for an idea of why this was funny). Also, I have to wear an apron with the words "The Big Semi Annual Sale". Man, I don't ever wanna wear clothes with the word "BIG" on 'em.

2. Just because you are on vacation, continue to suck up to your IT department. I attended the "How to get the internet on your laptop class" (nevermind that my laptop is in for repairs and I have been on the internet since November, I had to go). The head techno-troll looked at me skeptically and said "You dropped this, didn't you?". No!! No, no, a thousand times no!!! It seems I might be on my desktop, locky lockerson, for the next little while.

3. Never get a haircut after a sweaty retail shift. I did this yesterday, and I swear to you, I have a mullet. All I said was "I sure would like something with more shape". My stylist knows my inability to wield a round brush (the weapon of choice for all the blow dried) but when I gave my new head the old college try, I still think I looked like Richard Marx.


I plan to read and movie up next week for more interesting entries. Look forward to that and the true story of the first time I gave the ACT.

End Of The Stories

I can't believe I waited this long to tell the story of the kid who wore a Girl Scout uniform to school on Friday!



He came to my first hour late wearing a skirt (yes, a skirt), blouse, Girl Scout sash, and a trucker hat.



So I asked him to take off the trucker hat. What, I'm going to ask him to take off the skirt?



He has to finish his final for me so I take him to the library and tell the ladies there that this student has to finish his test taking badge and could they help?



They did so and I sent my teacher friend who has been a troupe leader forever to ask him about what he does with his troupe.



When he came back to class, we all asked him to join us only if he was selling cookies.



Record day is tomorrow and I hate to think the good stories will end for the summer!

Retraction to Summer Plan I

I did promise to blog more this summer and although that is still my hope, my laptop is presently in the shop. No word on the speed of its recovery. Wish for good things, friends.



Attempts will be made to work occasionaly on this slow desktop. It locks up often and is slower than Christmas so no promises.



I will store up ideas to be shared when I can!

Blogger Ad Gnome Returns!

Check out those ads on eyebrow waxing, and only a week late!



Let's try again to stir the gnome...



Chuck Woolery, Television Game Shows, Dirty Socks, Courtship of Eddie's Father, Mimes of the Old West...

Hoorah for Capitan Smarty!

We are eeking through this last week when all of the sudden a memo hits our school mailboxes.



A fellow teacher (who, to protect him, I will refer to as Smarty Smarterson) has given us all a full page manifesto on how we need to follow the district attendance policy (that is, the deduction of points for absences and tardies). He has veiled his diatribe loosely recounting how his class told him he was the ONLY teacher who followed the policy and how this revelation led to an active day of learning for all his students. Mr. Smartyson's classes are onto us!!! And he is memo-ing to document!!! Look out!!!



Now, I follow this policy. I hate it and make no bones about it, but I follow the stinking policy. What bothers me most about Mr. Smarterson is his willingness to gossip with his students about other teachers (I have serious ethical issues with this and have more than once put the kibosh on such talk. Often, these near disasters involve Mr. Smarterson himself!!). I also wonder if Mr. Smarterson believes this talk. I am often told that I am the ONLY teacher who limits hall passes, doesn't allow CD players in class, stops IV drug use in class...you get the idea.



Did Mr. Smarterson use district computers or copiers for his manifesto? I am so calling Phyllis Schafley.



Blessings upon Jill and the fruit of her womb! Word has come that my chance at a namesake is seriously decreased as we have a boy! He will carry the name of his father (Charles) and so all that is left to be debated is what diminutive of Charles this child will bear. Conversation with Jill has Chico as a frontrunner if only for the inherent singability of the theme from Chico and The Man as a lullaby. For the record, Chachi is also a consideration. Also to be noted is the fact that during our discussion on this topic via cell phone, Abby (the present baby of Jill's family) was singing her own version of London Bridges. Her version was something like "All the Bridges falling down" which made us think of a Manson like movement predicting that all the bridges would fall down on blackie and whitie and then it would be Helter Skelter.



4 more days, kids.