Daddy Never Was The Same After That There Slideshow Accident

...and just when I thought I didn't have an entry tonight! I am looking at Yahoo! news this evening and on the left sidebar where they link to their slideshows, I see the following:



Fashion Designer Geoffrey Beene Dies in NY Slideshow



and my mind rushes picturing this audio visual Armageddon. Perhaps his hand is caught in the carousel and then he is sucked in! Perhaps the screen falls on him! What if the slides fall out of the carousel entirely and they (gasp) are not numbered!?!?! Oh! The humanity!!!



Then I woke up and figured out that it is just that the guy died and they have a slideshow.



But please, take a moment to remember the victims of the NY Slideshow tragedy.



When He Says "My Eyes!!!", This Guy Ain't Kidding!

Vegetable Oedipus!!!!



Seriously, he's a potato!

The Girl is Crafty Like Ice is Cold

I just returned home with a Hobby Lobby bag full of hope! I have decided to attempt crochet again this time with that big ol chenille yarn and dreams of a scarf. I am hoping that I will not only become the captain of chenille (who cares if you think that's dumb? I am laughing at myself right now!) but am dreaming of a scarfy Christmas with handmade gifts of love.

Go read McCarty's right now. Kristen not only invokes my feelings on bloggery and blog love but cites Amish in the City. Go ahead, I will wait.

Good. Glad you came back.

Sing a song of Saturday with me for Youth and Government shall be swell this year! I have two co-advisors for News Media this year and we have a wealth of techno-stuff! We have been awarded a fat grant of a 5k techno package plus borrowing rights with a couple of educational institutions! The kids are eager and seem sharper than usual so I look forward to fine reporting on all the fake news at Youth and Government conferences.

Today (just so all the kid stories I tell are not of them being less than shining), two of my kids asked me if I worked at the Gap. They knew I worked retail (past tense!!!!!) and read in Vox about a Gapista with my first and last name. I checked the website and though I didn't see Educat of the Gap I was impressed with their reading material. Also, one of my kids has decided to join me as I read Alexis de Tocqueville's Democracy in America. I just mentioned how I wanted to read it firsthand after my nerd camp week in Boston and she is in! How I love the children who choose to drink my kool aid!

I am off to battle the yarn. Wish me well.

I Believe it was Plato or Morrissey Who Said...

Recently I found the joys of McSweeney's web site. There are new, literate and stinking funny posts daily. This one took me back to my high school/college self and so I give you:

Lame Excuses Roommate Has Given for Breaking Dates or the Smiths Lyrics?

BY SARA GRANT


- - - -

1. My dog just died today.

2. I started something, I forced you to a zone and you were clearly never meant to go.

3. Because you're evil and you lie.

4. You wouldn't like the real me anyway.

5. Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's really serious.

6. I may have scurvy.

7. I'm too despondent to leave my room.

8. What difference does it make?

9. I know I'm unlovable; I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside.

10. I lost my faith in womanhood.

11. I would go out tonight but I haven't a stitch to wear.

12. My girlfriend left me with a broken heart and a lost virginity, and frankly, I can't see you doing any better.

Smiths lyrics: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 10, 11Roommate's excuses: 1, 6, 7, 12Both a lame excuse and a Smiths lyric: 4





182 Days of Mojo

I am so beyond tired. Monday night I helped with homecoming float, Tuesday was open house, Wednesday was Dad night (not as restful as it sounds) and Thursday was our homecoming. I haven't been home before 8-ish any night this week and we had grades due and craptastic staff development.



I tell you this because I am really really hoping for some catch up time. I have yet to turn in my required professional goals. I am pondering them and plan to finally cough them up on Monday. They will include my normal stuff. I will focus on an area for personal staff development (either writing process or something with technology), I will piggyback on some existing goal for my building and department. I will then say something about improving some work habit. I know this sounds like crap, but I really do end up working on the things I list. This year has happened so quickly that I just haven't taken the time to reflect yet.



So my point (because you were wondering, I know) is that I usually also take this time to make my principal chuckle and to lightly thumb my nose at all this mandated growth. I have used "Loose weight until head appears too large for body", you get the idea. This year I am including "Increase mojo by at least 30%". It's perfect education-ese. It's measurable and everything. So I guess I am asking you this, what do I list as process for said mojo increase? How can I show more mojo at school? Finally, goal worthy of my full effort!

...and furthermore, isn't it good to know that Seduction helps control and eliminate hairballs!? Photo credit goes to Karina. Posted by Hello

Ok, so first of all, who names a cat food Seduction? Posted by Hello

You Down with OPC!?!

(I refer in this title to Other People's Children)

I was inspired today by a funny talk with Jill.

Jill is at the end of a pregnancy and feels a bit large and draggy. I guess that's an understatement, she used the term "Jabba the Hutt". Young Chaz is a month away from arrival and she is ready for him to show up.

In contrast, Yvonna, a friend we both knew in high school, is beginning a pregnancy. She is in the nasty sick phase and is dropping weight from her already teeny weeny frame. What must this be!? Jill and I marvel! Could she get smaller?? She is now a fold in the time space continuum! She is disappearing! She is now only an idea rather than something that occupies mass!!!

Both these dear friends of mine will get better. About the time we welcome little Chachi, Yvonna's teeney one will start to grow and she will be able to eat after 5pm. Yvonna and her husband are hoping for a boy they are already calling Ty and I can't wait to meet them. I can't wait to see Ty and Chachi III.

I already love their siblings.

How cool is it to watch the child of someone you love grow into a wee version of your beloved? I love that Hannah (Jill's oldest) already uses funny voices like her mother and that both she and her brother Lare say "Hold the phone, please" just like their father. Lare has inherited the view of the world that I so cherish in Jill ("Son," she says, "thou art thy mother's glass".) I cannot wait to see what Faith and Abby will do that will remind me of my bosom friend.

Yvonna's kids are both their parents also. Brookus already looks at the world with her optimistic heart the way her mother does. She makes me proud as she negotiates the world of her divorced parents in a way no ten year old should have to. Blake is his father. This is both blessing and curse for him, but when he gives his crooked smile and says something witty it reminds me of the man I knew in high school before the darkness took over. I remember why I was his friend and a bit of why he and Yvonna married. Baby Tyrannosaurus will be Yvonna and her new husband Randy. That's a mighty fine gene pool.

Plans are also in the works for me to spend some time with the newly two years old Carter. Carter is my favorite candidate for games of "I'm gonna get you" (sadly, none of my friends in their 30's will play this game). He squeals and dances and claps his hands and falls for my way of "getting him" every single time. I can't wait until his baby brother Cole can join the game!

I know it would be more fun if I had my own, but it's hard to imagine. I love playing fake maiden aunt Miss Educat. Yesterday I talked with Miguel about how the problem with intellectuals is that they don't reproduce at a rate to replenish themselves. Sad. I would play maiden fake aunt Miss Educat to any they can make.

Ok, and also, read Fafblog's 20, Sept. entry. You shall chortle.

Thanks, Keaton! Posted by Hello

Quick, Someone Abuse An Animal So Channel 4 Will Leave Us Alone!

Please keep a young lady from my school in your prayers. She is claiming that she was sexually assaulted at my school today, the news whores have jumped all over it but her story does not wash.



She claims to have been knocked out in a ladies' room and left for 45 min (near the cafeteria at lunch...surely someone would have walked in and she was examined at school, no bumps were found on her head). My gut says this young lady is pregnant and scared. Whether or not her story is true, she is in need of our concern.



If you are in OKC and have heard this story, thanks for your thoughts. We have worked so hard at school this year to get out the good news and this undoes any of the good press. We work hard, our school is safe.



This has worn me slick and we have a special early morning faculty meeting. I have a nasty day ahead.

Good Evening, I'm Marlin Perkins

...and this is Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom!



Today marks the first truly crazy day at school. It was one of those days that makes me feel like Grace Kelly in comparison to the world around me.

  • I spent probably 20 min talking with Junior III about why he ought to wear shoes in class.
  • I actually explained to a child why his urinating on himself might be more embarassing for him than for me.
  • Dear pregnant Xzahgnia (my only true leverage in a weird name poker game with Kristin) offered to work with Junior III while I helped another kid, she was so patient! I told her she might really be a good mother and she said "Oh, my son ain't gonna be like this!!!"

This was all in one class period. I fled my room grateful to go to lunch...until I had to break up a couple making out in the hall.

God bless me. Seriously, please. I had this whole other entry planned about how I was trying to balance my news coverage and what incredible pap I heard on KTOK during my morning drive...but it's hard to be thoughtful when you have to tell children not to fart in class.

Remember when I told you how much midday emails thrill me? This is why.

I am half watching Siegfried and Roy: The Miracle now and I shall close this nonsense with a question posed to me by Jill a few months ago. They say they are not gay but they call their life together "A Poem"?!?



Revenge of the Golf Shirt

Thursday morning, I stopped in to see coffee Ed on my way to school. (I love coffee Ed, btw. He gives me a teacher discount and pours when my car pulls up. If you frequent the south side at all, visit him!) As I waited in line, I overheard a conversation between two men. They seemed to be having a Bible-less Bible study of sorts. One obviously more successfully man-in-tie was fervently preaching to an apparently younger man-in-golf-shirt. The whole conversation carried the same air of those "I bought a house with no money down" infomercials. Tie man was obviously the giver of knowledge. He spoke as if he knew very specifically what God would and would not do if golf shirt would just do xyz.



I went to my car with a bad taste in my mouth (and the flavor of the day was German Chocolate, so it was clearly not the coffee). My drive time thoughts were all about knowledge. I just don't think knowledge is something any one person owns and can deal out. I tend to think that knowledge is an out-there commodity that we can all get a chunk of. Even you, tie man. You don't own it all. How I wanted golf shirt to pipe in with what he was reading, what he was thinking.



That very day, we had a great conversation at school about teaching. I think that the good teacher does the same thing. The teachers I don't get into are the ones who are the givers of knowledge. Oddly enough, those teachers are the ones who tend to leave my school. Kids (at least mine) don't handle it well in the long run when you just pile it on from a podium. I am way more Socratic than all that and what is strange is that it somehow has bought me the reputation of being smarter. How? Knowledge is only knowing where to look.



Now how often do you see someone take a faith example and link it to their job? It's usually the other way around. Thanks, tie man and golf shirt. You gave me some good thinkin'. Just speak up next time, golf shirt!



Let's Have A Baby So We Can Give Him A Jacked Up Name!

Most of my blog entries come while mulling over the day on my drive home. I love my 20 min drive. I use it to gather my thoughts, catch up on news, pray, whatever. When I think over the funny parts of the day, I usually think about how to spin them here.



This would be a very different blog if I ever cease to live alone. I might deconstruct my day to an actual person than to the internet.



So here is what happened in my brain today on the drive. It's a struggle between my loving caring nurturer and my bitchy, cynical, sarcastic side.



I got this kid in class today named (and I will give his real name only as it is relevant to the joke)Ted Junior Nugent III.



Evil Jen---What in the damn are his parents thinking!? How do you name a kid

Nipsy Junior Russell III!?!?

Nurturing Jen---But you don't know the whole story, there has to be something else,

maybe all those names have meaning!

Evil Jen---Yeah, maybe they all mean "I'm a gooney idiot and cannot be

trusted to name a child".





See where my brain goes? I still laugh hard at Lyndon Junior LaRouche III and plan to just giggle at my inner struggle.



Laborious Labor Day

So my family is in Dallas for the long weekend. It's a festival of Outlet Malls and Chain Restaraunts!



I have stayed behind to let my dad rest today while mom and sister went to church . Taking care of my handicapped middle aged father makes me a. know how mothers of toddlers feel and b. rejoice that I am single. I was left with the responsibility of ironing his clothes and getting him breakfast ("Yes, dad, you will wear this shirt because it looks nice and I ironed it" "Yes, I know I only got you one butter for your waffle but I had to fight a woman in a family reunion shirt for it, so eat!!!")



Once I got him settled, I sat down and read the Sunday Dallas Morning News with him and he became Dave, my favorite father of yore. We laughed heartily at an article about this and you will too!



Perhaps we should get t-shirts for this family reunion.

Summer Roma Flashback!

Ok, let me first give an award of sorts. I realized today that most of the quotes from students in this blog are from one kid. Larell is the source of the last entry (he who writes his own life story) as well as many of the stories from English last year (go here for a peek at his wisdom).



The kid is a comic genius.



So now I have him in Communications. Today, we begin the Project Citizen process and are talking about community problems. We generate a big list of problems and start to discuss them. Racism makes the list and so the party starts. Larell speaks of racism as though it is an American invention. Remembering my PACE experience this summer, I start to tell the story of our two Slovakian exchanges that week.



We discussed at length in one session the Roma people and the struggle they faced as a minority status. We found ourselves hearing a somewhat racist rant from our Slovakian friend Erick. He tells us that if we went to a Roma village at night, we would be raped and that some Roma kids are so behind that when they begin school, they cannot even use stairs (go ahead, try to picture it)! We wrote Haiku...



Irony defined:

The Roma use typewriters,

But they can't use stairs.


OK, back to class today. I tell the class an abbreviated version of this story (minus the haiku) and Larell comes through again.

"Man, if they smart enough to rape you, the can probably figure out stairs!"

I love Larell. In fact, that might be a new TV show, I Love Larell!



So that exchange led me to google "Roma jokes" and I found this blog entry from Nicmoc (it's the first entry dated 6/19/03, somehow I can't get the trackback link for this entry). It is insightful but what strikes me is his closing quote.
I’ll tell you what this country needs. It needs a shit-hot Gypsy hiphop act.
Indeed we do.

Also, Some Educat Stuff

It is now time for the first classroom transcript of the 04-05 school year!



Backstory: I have a banner in my room that reads, "You are the author of your own life story"



Child reading poster: Has anyone ever really written thier own life

story?

Teacher fighing an explosive laugh: Yeah, have you ever heard of an

autobiography?

Confused child: An auto-who?

The teacher struggles for insight: Remember when President Clinton was on

TV a lot earlier this summer? That is because he (with some help) wrote his own

life story and it was published. It happens all the time.

Child who might be gaining some light: How you write the end to your own

life story?







In My Mind, I'm Going To Shawmpton

Hey Kara, I said Shawmpton!



This was quite the weekend. Lunch with friends on Saturday, a trip back to the OBU that evening, and then meeting some new friends that seemed like old ones on Sunday. I went into this week with a whole new appreciation for my silly little Baptist alma mater.



I had approached my trip back to Shawnee with some apprehension. I hadn't been back for a play in...8 years? It was As You Like It. I was disappointed then with the quality of the show and after hearing from so many people how the university had changed, "gotten creepy" in the words of my favorite former professor. I went because Kara asked and because I wanted to see Bill all grown up. In the end, the play (although only a season extra) was creepy. It was quite creepy. But I got to speak with a former professor after and came to some nice conclusions...

  • Although Laura Byland does not get as excited to see me as she does the other theatre majors of my era (maybe because she predicted I would be a Republican by now and is still mistaken), I think she respects where I am in life. I did get her to admit "Yeah, you're in the field" and she even asked me to come and speak to some of her Intro classes. I have chosen the topic "Why a Theatre degree is good for you even if you never do theatre again". I will post my outline here when I have more details.
  • I hold a degree from OBU that no longer exists. This December, they will graduate their last Speech/Drama Ed major. It seems the University gives even less support to this major than when I was in school and so it dried up and died. The Theatre faculty is glad to see it go...*sigh*.
  • OBU brings you about three degrees from anyone who ever went there ever. New/old friends the McCartys verified Sunday night. They graduated a full six years after me and yet we had all kinds of mutual friends and friends once removed. It explains my propensity to walk up to random folk in malls and say "OBU...right?". It also brings you one degree from all the other Bison with so many shared rich academic experiences. If you didn't go to OBU, you can compare it to the feeling grown Okies get when they explain to folks from the outside how you used to dress like a pioneer for land rush day and stake out your lunch spot on the playground. It's happy happy nostalgia.

Please know that I have not gone completely Baptist-batty. I won't answer the phone for this January's phone-a-thon and I refuse to order one of these, but I do remember what I loved about college. It makes me want to listen to all male choirs and handbell music. I wish I felt this warm and fuzzy while I was still paying on my degree.

Hey, let's do get those shirts printed up! Let's revel in that thing that OBU gave us

Oklahoma Baptist University...Cranking Out Cynics Since 1910