Sorting Out Emotions

Have you ever walked through something and not really understood all the feelings you had at the time? That's sort of what I'm feeling tonight. I find it amazing how God made us. We can experience intense feelings of JOY and HAPPINESS and we can also experience intense feelings of sadness.

Today I have felt the full range of emotions. Someone in my life has moved onto other things last week. While I know this is best for that person, as well as all others involved in my life, I am still sad. I feel relief on a level that I don't want to begin to explain to you. But, on the flip side to that, I feel as if the person that left my life has died. The person hasn't literally died, but with a sudden change, the person was gone. No good-bye. No farewell. No closure. Every time I walked by the person's area today, I just felt overwhelming sadness. I know that in the long run, this is the best thing that could have happened. I know this with all that is within me, I know this is the healthiest thing for everyone. I'm still sad though.

My blog is about perspectives. Within my life, I am constantly looking for different perspectives on every situation, trying to make sense of everything. Most of the time, this works great for me. I often think, "Oh, so that's why so and so did such and such." And then I am okay with it. The problem with this thinking is that I often (to my own fault) don't allow myself to process what I'M thinking and feeling.

So, let me be really real with you tonight. I am sad that the person that I wasn't deeply close to or anything, but considered a friend, walked out of my life (And my other friends here in L.S.) last week. I will accept the reasons the person gave at face value and I REFUSE to gossip about the whys and such, but I will admit I feel hurt that the person just walked away. I have realized tonight how special that person was to me, even though we weren't close or hung out as friends.

So I have spent a lot of time in prayer tonight. I'm not done praying over all of this either. I think this is a process. God clearly has a lot to help me understand. I'm so glad that God is patient with me as I sort out these emotions to figure it out. I honestly don't know how people walk out life this side of Heaven without Him. I honestly don't.

Well, thanks for reading tonight. One week from tonight we will be on Spring Break. I have a feeling that's just what me and my friends need. Time away from work for a week.

As for me, I think I'll go get lost in my book.

Good...even when I'm sorting things out.