...

i went to visit my gram's grave for the first time since she passed away.
it's cold outside, so today wasn't the best day to go. and i don't know what possessed me to stop. but i was driving by, and i just had to see her...or what i've got left of her. it's not much.
they haven't even added the date of her death to her headstone. grass hasn't even started to grow over her. no one has put flowers on her. she was always the one who remembered to do those things.
that might be my mother's day present for her...i'm going to steal a tulip plant from her garden and plant it for her.
i just wish she could see me now. and i wish i could go to her when things were rough. i never knew how difficult this would be, and i know she'd understand.
i sat there for an hour talking to her. it was strange talking to a headstone and dirt. and i kept saying that. i felt like a nutjob, but i had to talk to her. even if she can't hear me.

i just had to remind myself that i do what i do because of her because sometimes that gets lost in all the mess that goes along with teaching.