"eating crow..."

I love the imagery of that saying...

Anyway, apologized to the boy from yesterday and made a deal with him...I'm calling his parents Monday; however, what I say to them is still to be determined. If he can show me that he's willing to try to work with me, then I'll let them know that he had a bad quarter, but we're working to do better. If he doesn't, then I'll let them know that. It's on him now, and he knows it. He also knows that he can come to me if he needs a break...let's see if he does it.
We also discussed his classroom behavior. I let him know that he can have one outburst each class period, so he'd better use it wisely. Today he had one, I let him know that was it, and we didn't have a problem for the rest of the hour...He's also let me know that he will be getting a glowing note from the sub since the last one wasn't very good for him.
I was also ecstatic (although I didn't show it) to see him taking notes as I discussed the test they'd be taking tomorrow.

Day one goes down in the books as a success.

"waste of my time..."

I lost my temper yesterday with a student. I told him that he was wasting my time by being in my class when he refuses to do homework or even crack open his book. This occurred after I asked him to read the last four chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird, and his response to me was, "What's the point? I haven't read the first 27?" We've been reading the novel for four weeks now. I've given them time in class, and they haven't had much homework besides reading. But this kid hasn't done anything.
The thing that frustrates me is that he's such a bright kid. He has a crappy home life, and works 40+ hours a week. I get that, as I've told him countless times. But he also has to understand that I can't stop the class and not give homework because of him. I can work with him, if he'll work with me. But he won't. He just wants to act like a jackass and disrupt my class and refuse to do work. So, I finally snapped.
And I know this isn't the way to get this kid to work. He gets yelled at at home. He gets told how crappy he is at home. He doesn't need it from me. So he just shut down. He became a smart ass and ignored what I was attempting to get through his head. I realized it was a mistake as soon as I saw him shut down, but I'd lost him at that point. I'm going to pull him in the hallway and apologize to him today. I'm also going to attempt to reason with him. I don't know how reasonable he'll be feeling, but we'll see.

I'm really well aware of my temper....I just always realize too late to stop it. Gr!

HOME

This weekend I was almost in Houston with friends at a Women's Conference. I REALLY, REALLY wanted to go. The Lord kept speaking to me the past month about not going, and I kept fighting Him on it. I REALLY miss my friends that are in Houston right now, and I REALLY wanted to get away for a weekend. HOWEVER, I learned long ago not to fight what He tells me, and to just do what He says. Tonight I understood why.

I went into Forerunner Christian Fellowship feeling a little sad tonight. I thought it was because I wasn't in Houston, but I'm not completely sure that that was it. I think I just needed a touch from Him. And, He met me.

Misty led worship, who is ALWAYS a favorite leader of mine. She leads in such a way that it's not about her, it's about Jesus. I LOVED it. God had her do songs that were favorites of mine, and I just grinned. I could go into it all, but basically tonight was a night for me and Him. I LOVED it, and felt at home. I stayed past service, and into the PRAYER ROOM.

The Prayer Room continues to be my favorite place on the planet. I doubt it makes sense to anyone who hasn't experienced it, or understands the depth of worship and prayer combined, but for me, it's HOME. Tonight was AMAZING.

I'll be honest, there are still things between me and Him that I'm still praying through, but tonight was something that I enjoyed AND needed. I LOVED IT.

I should crash. I get to do shuttles in the morning, and I will spend some time in the PRAYER ROOM after that.

I know that there will be other weekend conferences with Karen. For this weekend though, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I'm home.

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT.

Greetings from Jay!!!

Hey!

Jay here. It's been a while since I have been on here. Shannon is ALWAYS on here and it drives me nuts, so I thought I'd write while she's baking in the kitchen. She said she has a staff bonfire and hayride tonight that she's excited about! I'm happy for her, as she's been BUSY this week, I hope she gets to relax and have fun tonight.

There was a bonus to her being at work so late two nights this week...my Grandma and Grandpa came to see me! I love it when they come! We go on walks, and they are REALLY nice to me! It got me out of the box when I would have been in the box for a LONG time! It was a lot of fun having them here!

Today Shannon had the day off, and we had Uncle Jeff come over! It was so much fun having him here! Jeff said that he has big dogs, not little ones, so it was okay that I jumped on him and licked his face!

Shannon is really good to me, as she takes me on a lot of walks, and gives me a treat every night. We also cuddle as she watches that box that seems to entertain her as she gets her homework done each night. She said the other day that being a teacher means you have homework every night, but she doesn't mind it because she LOVES her job.

I guess I should go. Her cookies are baked and she may want to get on here before she leaves. Do me a favor, don't tell her I was on here, okay? I'm pretty sure I might be in trouble if she knew! *grin*

Your friend,
Jay

FOUR-DAY WEEKEND!!!

I absolutely LOVED getting to know the parents of my AMAZING students during conferences yesterday and today. I learned a lot about some of the kids that I didn't know at all that made me grin ear-to-ear. I am blessed to work with some of the coolest kids on the planet.

At the same time, I'm SO EXCITED about a FOUR-DAY WEEKEND. I LOVE the way we do conferences here, as we have TWO marathon days at work, and get Friday off! COMPLETELY off. Jay and I will sleep in tomorrow! I'm so excited! On Monday I'm in Joplin speaking at MSSU!!! I'm SO EXCITED!

I love my job. My last post showed how much I LOVE my job.

I am also in need of a break.

Something tells me that this weekend will be exactly what I need. *grin*

LIFE.
IS.
AMAZING!!!

I'm going to...

Lunch today...

An older teacher shared with us that one of his students referred to a "love muscle" during a speech. Shocked, I asked if he gave the student credit for the speech. He answered that, in fact, he did. I told him I wasn't sure I'd feel comfortable doing that, and I probably would've sent him out of the room.

Very conservative (very bitchy) teacher: Why wouldn't he give credit for that?

Me: with a dumbfounded look Do you know to what the student was referring??

VCVB: Well, yes. His heart.

Me: Um. No. His penis.

At which VCVB got up and left the table in a huff. That's what she gets for thinking I'm a whore because I wear knee-length boots with my skirts.

Dissertations...2G's...

This week is going much better. It's the end of the quarter, and I've been putting off grading essays...so I'm a bit tired. But I'm nearly finished with them, and the squirrels seem to have put effort into them.

A colleague pointed me to this website today. I found the way it was marketed to be brilliant really. To an unsuspecting (read: desperate) high school student, this really doesn't sound like plagiarism:

Our service is tailored to High School, College and University students who need expert assistance with their daily writing tasks. Hence, we assist with all types of academic writing assignments including, but not limited to, basic 5 paragraph essays, argumentative essays, cause-and-effect essays, critical essays, descriptive essays, compare-and-contrast essays, expository essays, narrative papers, process essays, etc. term papers or research papers on all subjects and disciplines in all citation styles (MLA, APA, Turabian, Chicago, Harvard, AMA, etc.),book reports, movie reviews, article critiques, applications and admission essays, speeches, grant proposals, theses and dissertations.
We even did the price quote...you can get a dissertation for around $2000. In a couple years, it would pay for itself...

Another Lesson Learned *grin*

Today I had the BEST time at work. While my students already miss the student teacher that left us to go to the middle school, it felt great for them to have their regular teacher back! Honestly, it was great for me to TEACH again. I felt like I was back to my usual self!!! It was AMAZING.

As I have pondered things tonight, it wasn't that I hated having a student teacher. Honestly, I learned a LOT through having someone else do my job, and she did a good job. That being said, God taught me something incredible in the midst of it. I love my job. Period.

Sometimes being a teacher is the toughest job in the world, I really believe that. At the same time, I was reminded in the past nine weeks how much I enjoy the challenges as well as the easier parts of the job. This school year has brought it's fair share of both experiences. *grin*

Today as I entered the room, I felt at home. I'll be honest, I did miss the gal who was with us, but I felt at home again. Having her in our room was God's way of teaching me how much I love what I do, and that He created me to do this job. It felt great to stand in front of the young people and teach them again. It was also great to sit and chat with a friend at work in a way we haven't talked since school started. *grin*

I find it amazing how God brings us people and situations that teach us more than we could have learned just by someone saying something. I couldn't have gained the perspective on teaching that I have now without having a student teacher come in and do my job. He knew it would lead me to my conclusion....I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVE MY JOB!!! *grin*

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
AMAZING.

baseball fanatic...


I'm very ambivalent when it comes to the post-season, especially this year. You see some of the most exciting games of the year during the post-season (the Detroit ALCS win, for example), but it also means the end of baseball for another year.
I love baseball...have since I was a kid. I'd watch games with my dad, quality time. I can remember sitting next to him on the couch watching the game, wearing our matching Cardinals t-shirts. He'd take me to as many games as he could, and I'd stuff myself with hotdogs and nachos, cheering whenever my dad did. I loved the entire atmosphere of the ballpark, even as a kid. I liked the smells and the people. Everything about baseball appealed to me.
Still does.
While I love seeing my Cards in the championship, I'm disappointed baseball will be over soon. I'm going to miss it.
But...Let's go, Cardi-nals!

the angels...

I had a conference on Friday (which I won't even dignify by telling you what it was about), and my friend subbed for me. I had a couple classes I was nervous about, my lowest level freshmen class, to begin with.
Sub told me all my classes were angelic, but she had an interesting experience with my freshmen class. ED girl came in and said to her, "I'm only being nice to you right now because you're friends with Miss Anon, and she asked me to be nice. Otherwise I'd be mean right now." I'm not sure whether to be happy that she was nice or bothered by the comment...or both??

A Silent Touching Moment *grin*

Tonight was our annual school carnival. While I'm exhausted at the moment, I had quite a touching "silent" moment while I was there. I have to say, our PTA is AMAZING! They worked SO HARD to prepare for our HUGE school carnival. The kids had so many different activities that it was quite a busy school night! Our PTA does an AMAZING job!

My favorite moment came right before I left. The staff donated items for the silent auction to raise money for the school. Those items were mainly activities that they can do WITH the students. I donated time at the dog park with my furry kid and me (parent has to be present, of course.). I thought it was an original idea until I saw the staff donation list, apparently several of us had the same idea. The main difference between me and the other staff members though is that I have JAY! *grin*

I arrived at the carnival and took pictures before I went to work my shift in the Redemption Center. I am already getting pictures for the end-of-year slideshow! It was neat to walk around and see all the activities the kids could do. And of course, you put a camera in front of them and the love it!

I went and worked in the Redemption Center which was fun too. I wore the snake hat, like usual, which made everyone smile. I LOVED IT. It was fun joking with the kids as they came in and out of the room. It was a lot of fun!

Afterward I walked around and took more pictures. I also talked to a lot of students and parents, which is ALWAYS fun.

As I was leaving, I checked in on the Silent Auction and I was BLESSED by what I saw. I looked at the tables and saw the typical Silent Auction wage wars going on for the Regular Education Teacher's Activities. My page was near the end of the table, and three different families had bid on me. I was blessed. To me that is a blessing beyond words when someone wants to SPEND MONEY to spend time with me. Well, that's what spoke to me anyway. I stood there and grinned. I have no idea who won because I was so tired I left before it was over, but who won isn't the point. I felt love just because they bid on me on a piece of paper. *grin*

It was silent...not a word was said...but it spoke volumes to me.

VERY COOL. *grin*

LIFE.
IS.
AMAZING.

the monkeys.

The students have had two four-day weekends in a row. They are bouncing off the walls this week. We (the teachers) have all decided that there is such a thing as too much time off. They've completely gotten out of the routine. I have an odd feeling it's going to take the next several weeks to get them back in the routine.

Also, the assistant principal bulldog has caught me being a bad teacher twice this week. I'll admit that I'm still feeling emotional and slightly apathetic as a result of my experience last week. But I'm trying. Anyway, at one point a.p.b. came in while the class and I were discussing Homecoming. Oops. At another point I left the room to use the restroom. Of course, he came in at that point. I wanted to tell him that it was either go to the restroom or have to go home and change...he didn't ask though. Gah!! Twice in one week...lucky me. I suppose I'll have to be on my best behavior for a bit.

I'm just really having one of those I'm-a-bad-teacher weeks.

Welcome

Welcome to Anonymous Teacher Blog

The Quote That I've Said for Years

Tonight I came across a quote on FB that sums of something I've said for YEARS. While it hasn't always made this season easier, it has kept my eyes on what's important. I wanted to post it tonight, for me more than anyone else.

Being single doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're strong enough to wait for what you deserve. ♥

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT!!!

Parent/Teacher Conferences...

Blech.

I had some not-so-nice parents meet with me. I'll just share the highlights...

  • The woman whose daughter isn't turning in homework in my class...she told me that her daughter has always loved language arts, so it must be me. She proceeded to tell me how I should teach...because apparently I didn't go to school to learn that.
  • "I know you're not paid enough to go above and beyond..." I wanted to say, "Well, I did become a teacher for the money, so that's kind of an issue."
  • The woman who implied that one of my students has a bad home life because his lesbian mother and her partner are the ones raising him. Apparently students like this can go one of two ways: they can emulate behavior and become effeminate or become loud and obnoxious.
  • The parent who asked why I didn't assign more homework...Well, I'm pretty sure I'm swamped with grading as it is, so I don't know that I'll be assigning any more than the assignment per night.
  • The 6'10" military man who told me that I'm young and attractive and his son can be very charming...so, he wouldn't want his son to charm his way into getting away with anything. Are you kidding?? I'm 24 years old. Does he seriously think I can be charmed by a 15 year old??
  • The woman who told me she knows her son is disrespectful and that he's the same way at home, and she simply does not know what to do with him....I've got a lovely idea...Punish him!
  • Smiling and attempting to be sympathetic throughout all this....
Needless to say, I'm glad they're over.

INVISIBLE LINES *****

Every once in a while, I come across a book that is AMAZING and one that I would recommend for EVERYONE to read. I just finished an AMAZING book, and I give it five out of five stars. In fact I could give it six stars, I would! *grin*

The book, Invisible Lines by Mary Amato, is nominated for the Truman Award, and is worthy of the nomination. This book was written by an AMAZING author, who captured me from the first page through the very end of the book. It even kept me up past my bedtime almost every night this week, and that's saying a lot because I LOVE sleep! It was also one of those books that I didn't want to end because it was SO good! The author, Mary Amato, is a very talented writer who knows how to write from the main character's point-of-view, and I could really feel what the main characte, Trevor, was thinking and feeling. IT WAS AMAZING!

In the story, Trevor is a boy from a low-income home, who goes to a school that is primarily made up of rich kids. Various situations arise in which Trevor has to rise above and do the right thing, even when that's the hardest thing for a young man to do.

I don't want to say much more than that, as I don't want to give away the entire story, but I HIGHLY recommend you run to your nearest library or bookstore and get this book! It will touch your heart in the most unexpected ways, and leave you wanting more.

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT!!!

Feelin' Blessed

After my post on Tuesday, I have really been talking to the Lord about the people I have in my life. A few realizations came to me since I posted on Tuesday.

The first thing that the Lord showed me is that there are more people I could share the journey this side of Heaven with (and pray with) than the people I listed the other night. And I can honestly say that I was pleasantly surprised as we talked about that this week. As I pondered that, I became more and more excited.

For example, the people I work with are incredible. When I moved here two years ago, I embarked on quite an adventure, as I left some of the coolest people on the planet (I still miss my fourth grade teacher friends like you wouldn't believe!) to begin the new chapter in my life here. As I've looked around my world at work, I thanked God this week for everyone he's put in my life. Especially the people I share my pod with! We laugh DAILY as we share our lives together. Everyone has kids, so there is ALWAYS story to tell! I know, I don't have a child, but I have Jay and I share those stories with the kids so it all works out! *grin*

In addition to the staff here, I have my new lifegroup from church. While I'm still getting to know people there, I have a prayer base there that is AWESOME, and we pray weekly as we share our lives in Christ. To me, that is PRICELESS.

And, I was reminded of the SHUTTLE MINISTRY that I LOOK FORWARD TO every Sunday! Slim & Papa Bear & crew are SO MUCH FUN. And, I can text any of them prayer requests throughout the week and they are faithful to pray. That is also priceless to me.

There are also several people in Joplin that I still stay in touch with on a regular basis. Kim and her family are still close to me, even though we live 2.5 hours away from each other. Kim and her husband have been such a blessing to me in so many different ways that it amazes me. Kim shares her boys with me, and I feel as if I'm part of the family! I miss them more than they know since I moved here, but the AMAZINGLY cool thing is that every time we get together, I feel like we just pick up where we left off. Kim prayed for me this week, and was a blessing in a way that can't be expressed in words. I'm a blessed gal.

There are so many in Joplin that I may not talk to regularly anymore, but thanks to Facebook, we're still friends. For that, I am blessed. I don't take ANY of my Joplin friends for granted, especially in light of last May. God gave me some incredible friends, and I don't take one of them for granted. And while they are not a part of my daily life anymore, I have MANY I could call and pick up where we left off. Not everyone has that, but I am blessed to have that. Thank You, Lord!

God also showed me the Barnabas Family that I'm blessed to have in my life. Via Facebook I stay in touch with MANY incredible young people. It's hard to put into words, but once you experience Barnabas, you have a bond with people that you don't have anywhere else. It's amazing.

And, of course, the Lord showed me the KIDS in my life. He clearly created me to serve kids during my days here on Earth. I ENJOY teaching AND serving out at camp more than you can possibly imagine. I was sitting in my classroom today, laughing with kids and making memories that will last a lifetime. In fact, I have a fun little quote book, and the students love it when they say something and I say, "That needs to go in the quote book!" A little thing, but a big thing to my students. Everyday the kids teach me something as I teach them. I'm a blessed gal, I'm doing what God created me to do. I thank God for creating me as He did daily, as I wake up everyday and look forward to going to work. I'm blessed.

It would be wrong of me not to mention my parents and brothers too. While they may not necessarily be seekers of the Word like I am, they have the unconditional love thing down better than some Christians I have met, and I wouldn't trade one of them for all the money in the world! *grin*

So, I guess God and I have been talking a lot this week. I like that. I love weeks where God shows me how blessed I am. That helps me on days I am having a rough day. (We all have those!) Tonight I feel blessed. I don't have a handful of people I could call and share life with and/or ask for prayer, I have (literally) hundreds! I. Am. Blessed.

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
BLESSED.

STAND BY ME

Tonight on my walk with Jay I got to thinking about several things. Well, really, I started out praying about some things, and God started talking to me about various things. In the process, I enjoyed just letting myself meditate on what He was showing me and telling me. Tonight I think I want to share some of it.

I started the walk with Jay going backwards. See, each night we walk the same route so that I can be prepared for dogs on the route. (This helps decrease the possibility of falling during the walk! *grin*) I was praying over a particular situation, and wanted a new perspective on it. God reminded me of a quote.

If you are close to me, you know that I LOVE QUOTES. I even have a journal book on my end table so that any time I hear a good quote I can write it down. I've done this for YEARS. I do the same thing in my classroom as well, I have a quote book on my desk that I write down the things the students say as well. It's been a really neat thing to do!

Back to my walk...tonight on my walk, the Lord reminded me of a quote from the movie STAND BY ME. (I LOVE how God can use ANYTHING to speak to us!) In it, the two boys are walking at the end of their journey and the narrator says, "...it happens sometimes, people come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant." Honestly, that quote has stuck with me since I was fourteen and saw that movie.

Tonight as I walked, the Lord showed me specific people who have come and gone out of my life, and EVERY one of them taught me something. He also showed me the people in my life, and how blessed I am to have them running beside me during this season of my life. We talk DAILY about those people, and I had to *grin* as we went through the list. I am one blessed gal. Of course, that led to the list of people who have been in my life and left, either by their choice, my choice, or simply God moving us on to something else. I'm in awe of how AWESOME He is at orchestrating what needs to happen and when it needs to happen.

Some people have hurt me in the past, and I know that's true of everyone. Tonight on my walk, He brought to mind the song "Blessings" by Laura Story, where she sings:

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

He reminded me that this isn't my home. This is temporary. That makes me *grin* as well.

I think about the Laura's, Karen's, Alicia's, Diedra's, and Tricia's that God has placed in my life and I am in awe of how blessed I am. Any of those ladies I could call and say, "I need prayer tonight." They would stop and pray with me. I told God a HUGE Thank You tonight.

Part of my job requires kids to come and go out of my life, but I told God tonight that that was okay. That used to REALLY bother me in the beginning. You pour your heart into teaching kids how to read, write, do math, and be a person of character, and then they're gone. I missed them greatly. But, I know that having them grow up and move on is part of the gig. And, every once in a while, one comes back and says, "Thanks."

You won't be surprised to hear that I ended my walk by checking the mail and I had mail from a former student, thanking me for all the support in the past. *grin* God always knows exactly what we need and when we need it.

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT.

A New Book!!!

Every once in a while I find a book that I REALLY, REALLY like. I am currently wrapped up in a new book that I have wanted to read all day long. I even wanted to take it to work, but I knew it was better if I didn't because I am paid to work, not sit and read a book. *grin*

You're dying to know the title, aren't ya? Don't worry, I'll have a full review for you soon. For now, I have a book to read.

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT!!!

1,000 POST!!!

This is my 1,000 post for my blog. Wowowowowowowowowowow! It seems almost unreal to me that I've written that many short pieces from my life onto this blog. I knew last night that tonight would be number 1,000 and all day I have thought about what to write. On March 21, 2006 I began writing on my blog. I did it because a friend of mine was writing one and I just thought it would be a fun thing to do.

Over the past five years, I can look back on the different seasons of my life and see the highs and lows that have occurred. I can honestly say I've enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I have had spurts where I've written less and more, depending on the season and the topic. Some topics I can't share with the world due to the nature of my job, but ultimately, I try and live my life as openly as possible. I figure if I do that, it keeps me young and hopeful in those areas of my life where I wrestle with God in the depths of my heart.

As for tonight, I wanted to post a few things that are currently on my heart. Perhaps by my 2,000 post some of these things will be answered. *grin*

1. I wonder if the road construction behind my house will be done by my 2,000th post. I'm tired of taking the two detours provided. Just when I think it's about done, they do something else to it. Hum...

2. I wonder if Jay will ever figure out how to really play fetch. He's so smart in other ways, but to bring back a toy I've thrown is too difficult for him. *grin*

3. For the first time in my life I weigh more than I should. I'm not fat, but I'm no longer the thin gal that everyone was worried about. On one hand, I say who cares, life's too short, let's eat and enjoy life. On the other hand, I want to stay healthy and live for YEARS to come. I wonder what that means to me by my 2,000th post.

4. I LOVE my job. While there are rough days, there are also good days. In the past week I witnessed a boy read in a way I've never heard him read, and a separate kid could count change in a way he couldn't one year ago. There is absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that God created me to teach Special Education Students.

5. I love God. I slip and fall daily, but He's faithful to help me up and tell me each day that I can do it, OVER AND OVER again. Not a day goes by that I don't thank Him for that. I hope I never stop realizing that.

6. The most obvious one is that I wonder if I'll be married by my 2,000th post. I obviously don't think I need a man to make me happy, as I'm happy now. However, this gal does have dreams that God and I discuss daily. *grin*

7. Jay better still be with me on my 2,000th post. He's the COOLEST DOG IN THE WORLD!

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT!!!

Dear Grandma Springer

Dear Grandma Springer,

I realize you're in Heaven having a BLAST, but I thought of you tonight as I made chocolate chip cookies. It reminded me of all the times I was in your kitchen as you made the BEST cookies ever, and you'd let us eat them for breakfast, or as a late-night dessert. You also let us eat them after they had cooled just enough to not burn our fingers or mouths, but also warm enough to be AMAZING.

I'm sure you're enjoying yourself in Heaven, but I want you to know I miss you here. I will always think of you when I eat a chocolate chip cookie!

Love,
Shan

*grin*
LIFE.
IS.
GREAT!!!

I don't know if I'm cut out for this...

Something happened today that's making me wonder if I'm cut out to be a teacher. It has nothing to do with my knowledge of my subject matter or my ability to manage a classroom. Those things are easy compared with what I had to deal with today. I think I become too emotionally invested to be a teacher. I can't deal with what some of these kids have to deal with.

One of my girls was raped over the weekend, and I'm the only person besides her foster mother and hospital staff that she told. I don't know how to comfort her. I know I can't comfort her. I don't know how to speak to her because I don't want her to think that my crying for her is because I think less of her, but instead because I can't believe how strong she is for having the courage to not only report what happened, but to also name her attacker and press charges. And that I'm crying for her loss because she'll never have that childhood back. And there will be a part of her that will never get over this. But I can't say this to her. She called, and I was helpless.

And I can't deal with that helplessness. I know if this is something I'm going to do for the rest of my life, I'm going to be helpless.